Rather, I may have been dreaming before, but my sleep was so awful that I didn't remember it. But, now with the CPAP properly set I'm getting deep enough sleep that I have multiple vivid dreams nightly.
Apparently my dream making machinery is out of practice because these dreams have been lucid, but surreal. It's like I'm sitting in the Theater of Dreams while my brain is bumbling around the control room gone dusty through lack of use. The brain struggles to remember how to use it. So it's mashing buttons, pushing levers, and twiddling dials while looking at the faded manual via reading glasses with a bad prescription. There I sit watching the weirdest stuff unfold. Like sitting at a comedy show with a couple that aren't a couple in real life. Lessee, B and C are really boyfriend/girlfriend, but there B sits with R and not C, and R is married to someone else in real life; worse yet, in reality they move in completely unrelated social orbits. But, whatever ole brain, you keep twiddling those dials.
Oh, and the comedy show never started. It was all about the waiting to get in. Oh, brain.
My big plan for Friday night is to sleep. Really sleep.
I know that this isn't exciting. Most other folks will be out seeing movies, having dinner, going to concerts, and the like. But, me? Snug in my bed.
Why am I looking forward to sleeping tomorrow night? Because my damned CPAP machine will, at long last, be properly adjusted.
The result of the sleep study from over a month ago was that to get proper stage three sleep my CPAP needed to be at 10. (I'm not sure what '10' measures, but whatever.) It is currently at four. In fact it has been at four for several years so I've not been getting good rest in all that time.
Imagine waking up feeling like you could just go right back to sleep. Imagine wanting to take naps during the day. Imagine fuzzing out in the middle of conversations. Imagine not being able to concentrate. Imagine not being able to remember things. That has been me. And I'm so very much looking forward to making all that go away.
The stick has been replaced by the carrot, which is decidedly a turn for the better.
Scant months ago I was under the gun --- and a large caliber one at that --- to finish this Summer. My advisor and I pushed for an extension for the Fall as we felt that was a tough, but doable, time limit. Instead, the administration was feeling particularly magnanimous (or finally got embarrassed enough by the series of errors it made for which it made me suffer) and gave me until the Spring of '14. I was immensely relieved.
However, even though I've until next Spring to finish, I still intend on defending this Fall. Why? Because now I have new incentive to do so, and this time a positive one.
I have informally accepted a post-doc position at Penn State starting in January. And, well, the "post" of "post-doc" sorta implies that I'd already be a doctor, ya know? =)
So, now I'm strongly motivated to wrap up over the next several months and get hooded in December. But this time the motivation is fueled by something to look forward to, and not abject fear of failure.
I've been motivated by fengi's "Comment month," whereby he will strive to comment on every single of his friends' LJ posts this month. Good idea, that. So, fengi, you can safely mark me down as a data point in your favor.
I have a lot to share, but I'll do so piecemeal ... one entry at a time. I'm hoping that tactic increases the likelihood that I will write more here. (And that I can, in turn, harness some productive writing momentum.)
So, I've been playing round with binaural beats as a productivity aid. I'm not sure if it actually helps, but I do get an interesting lingering acoustic hallucination when I listen to this for more than, say, fifteen minutes, and then turn off the audio feed. (Note, you will need to listen to that with headphones, and likely with the volume turned up a bit.) I do feel ... something ... while listening. My heart rate seems to pick up and I feel what can best be described as a little anxious. I'm not sure if my focus has improved.
Would anyone else like to give a listen and provide feedback?